AUREET'S LETTERS — Travel 1975-77
California: November 19, 1975
Hi Sageet!
Hey, you know what? You are a very special person! Every letter I get from you amazes me Sageet. I love you very very much. Sageet, somehow you'll find your own way to deal with the family. Family scenes can be weird, don't worry about it. I know it's rough, especially Yaneer, but you'll live. Follow my advice as best you can; it'll help.
After High School, 1975
Sageet, I know you love me very much. That makes me very happy, but remember one thing, I am me and you are you. Sageet, be yourself always. I know you don't know who you are, I don't think anyone really does. But don't try to be anyone else, just you. You look up to me a lot, I know. Just remember that what's right for me, the way I act, that way I am, the things I do are not necessarily right for you. I want you to grow up to be your own person with your own opinions. Just remember, they love you even if they are wacked out sometimes. When you experience more of life, you will better understand people and the people in the family. I know you will and that you'll always be a very special person, especially to me. Sageet, age doesn't really mean that much; there is a lot I can learn from you and am learning from you, from your opinions, the way you feel about things, and from what happens to you. I learn from everything around me, from a blade of grass struggling to grow through a crack in the cement, from someone's dream, from a person's face, from everything around me.
Sageet, I wrote some poetry when I got back from camping and I'm sending it with your letter. Give it to Ma and Dad to read also. Sageet, keep writing as often as you can. Tell me about school, your friends, and what you think about. I want to get to know you better and every letter from you makes me so happy. I miss you and love you very much.
June, 1976
Ma,
Your letters touched my heart deeply. There is so much warmth in your letters I know now that we are not only Mother and Daughter (If anything, more so) but also two women who can share each other's hearts. Ma, your letter helped me so much, it gave me confidence that I could share with you my heart as a woman to a woman because I need you now also as an experienced woman, not only as a mother.
I have changed a lot and have been through a lot. Yes, I have suffered, experienced and learned and am much wiser. I regret nothing, because I would not be who I am if I had not experienced it all. I have been bitter and disillusioned; perhaps I saw too much too fast, but that is past and brings me to the present. You are right. A new road I had to find and a new road I have found.
Ma, on this trip I was searching for myself, for experience and understanding of the world and life around me and other things. One of which was acceptance and love from the world around me.
At the age of 8 it seemed to me that I was rejected by the whole world, (when the boys in my class were pursuing me, trying to hurt me with what seemed to be deep hostility). It was an incredible shock, coming from the warm loving home and family to this wall of unyielding hate. There comes a time though, when the family love is not enough, our world grows larger and we seek love elsewhere. And so, I have done, making mistakes, what we all do, searching down the road of life for that love and acceptance that we all need. You have watched me look and search in every corner, never finding what I looked for, not always really knowing what it was. My problem always was impatience; I had to find the answer now and live it all as fast as I could. Each time, I was disillusioned, the taste went sour in my mouth…I learned that there is very little true love in the world. Even friendship is hard to find; people generally want only for themselves, give only for what they can receive. I finally gave up; the Love I searched for wasn't there. My last hope burst. I came to the conclusion that Love the way I had learned it, could only be found in my family; only there do people give to give, not to receive; accept each other's faults and all; respect each other, no matter what, and live their own lives sharing with each other. You and Dad are very special people in this world and set a very high standard for me to reach for…
November, 1976
Hi Sageet!
I read your letter over and over and over again. I absolutely love it. You have grown so much. Now that you are growing up more, by the time I come back, I am sure we will be able to be a lot closer and do things together. I always wanted us to be close. Now that you are getting into your teens, the age difference isn't that big, and we will be able to communicate on the same level. Please write to me everything, don't worry, you can always write a separate letter.
Your poem was very very beautiful and made me feel very good inside. Sageet, you are growing up to be one hell of a person! I love you very much.
Now I will answer your letter. I am glad to hear you are doing well in school. Learning is so much fun. A lot of school is a bunch of bull but it's a great place to learn and you shouldn't pass up the chance. I will probably be home to go skiing. I am looking forward to it.
About Yaneer, I know exactly what you mean. It's only now that I am beginning to understand where he is coming from. Just stay out of his way. As to his "father" bit, he is just trying to help Ma and in some strange way express his love. Understand as best you can and stay as mellow as possible.
Fix up the room so that it says you all over the place; posters you like, things you like. Think about who you are and what is important to you, then make the room represent you. Make it some place you really like to be and like to come home to. Use all your creativity. I never put much energy into that room; I am sorry I didn't. You are welcome to my clothes as long as you are careful with them. Again, decide who you are, or who you would like to be, and dress like that. Buy and make clothes to fit your impression of you. And if you think those purple corduroys say "you" then wear them as much as you like. Be what you want to be and do your own thing. I hope you are taking guitar lessons, you have musical talent. I always wanted to sing and play the guitar at parties and get togethers. May be you will, even write songs. Write soon. I miss you a lot.
North Carolina: December 8, 1976
…I wish that the school was here because there is nothing I would rather do, especially now that I'm unemployed and am having a hard time finding another job. I got fed up with my last job, the manager was impossible to work for and showed no appreciation for my efforts to organize the waitress work. He just yelled at me for when other waitresses messed up and he wouldn't pay me or even give me credit for being head-waitress. So, I finally got fed up, life is too short to live in constant aggravation…
…We're living in S's (R's mom) trailer. It's nice and we only pay electric bills $15 a month, no rent or anything else. The most expensive thing is feeding Tanya [Aureet's Doberman/German Shepherd] she eats 4 lbs of food a day besides all the moles, rats, possums she catches. We also have R's dog Sunset a Toy Poodle-Cocker Spaniel. He is real cute with brown ears paws tail and snout. The rest of him is poodle colored. He runs like a dear leaving the ground with 4 feet and bouncing. We also have two cats who live on top of the trailer we even feed them up there, they don't come down because of the dogs. I paint and read and make things, walk in the woods - now that I'm not working, on the days I stay home from job hunting. I've also got a whole bunch of plants: 5 Spider plants, Wandering Jews, Ivy, Hoya plant, Cupid Peperomia, Plumosus Fern, Neanthe Bella Palm, Green Nephthytis and a Snake plant. Quite a collection. I've also got some wild dry plants. I've made some friends here although it's hard. Most of the people are very narrow minded being from a limited small town. … One couple I especially like are exceptionally intelligent M and N, we had dinner there last night. It was 12:00 before we knew it and had to wrap up an exceptionally interesting discussion on philosophy of origin and religion. I like them very much and it was a most stimulating evening I hope we'll spend more time with them. Wednesday R's Boss/friend is coming over for Lasagne with his wife, so socially I'm very active. Tomorrow I'm going to town with S job hunting and shopping. Maybe I'll find something. I don't like not working; I only wish I could find a job that required some creativity not just a smiling robot. Other than that, I am truly happy…
