Early Adolescence: Affiliation versus Exclusion

In describing adolescence, Erikson [1950, 1968] again focuses on agency, in terms of the developmental task of 'identity formation', without emphasizing the inherent importance of the relationship developments at this time. Kegan [1982], in recognizing the importance of relationships, argues that Erikson's identity stage captures a later development, but does not address the early adolescent period of intense connection, inclusion and highly-invested interpersonal relating, which precedes identity formation. Thus, in the present effort to provide a comprehensive understanding of development, including the communion pathway, an early adolescent stage is added, namely 'affiliation' versus 'exclusion', which emphasizes the important interpersonal developments of this period.

The primary communion need which drives the interpersonal developments of this stage is the need for affiliation, defined as a driven need to establish and maintain positive, affective relationships [Atkinson et al., 1954]. It is associated with the use of social comparison as a basis for determining social acceptability [Veroff and Veroff, 1980], an increased tendency for conformity [Hardy, 1957], overconcern about making a good impression on others [Exline, 1960] and an anxious, driven concern about being liked by peers [Byrne, 1961; Boyatzis, 1973]. Thus, the need for affiliation is characterized by an anxious, conformityoriented eagerness for gaining social approval and social acceptance, mainly from peers.

It is this need for 'affiliation' which shapes and drives the interpersonal relationships of early adolescence. Moreover, it is these relationships which playa profound role in agentic identity formation. Erikson [1950, 1968] himself points out that adolescents define themselves in the context of their relationships and through the eyes of others. Even more strongly, according to Kegan [1982, p. 96], at this 'interpersonal' stage adolescents are their relationships and 'there is no self independent of the context of "other people liking"'. Hence, in the early phases of identity formation, when young adolescents are involved in agentic individuation and self-exploration, they are desperately in need of a communal, 'affiliative', interpersonal context in which to define themselves.

This need for 'affiliation' and for fusing with others in order to complete the self [Kegan, 1982] contributes to the intensity of early adolescent relationships. Breaking away from parental attachments, they develop intense, close, same-sex 'chumships' [Sullivan, 1953], which then interlock with other dyads in forming 'homogeneous' groups [Selman, 1980]. Within these groups, young adolescents demand total conformity, since any diversity is experienced as extremely threatening to their fragile sense of self and its cohesion. Consequently, it is in this context that young adolescents, driven by an anxious, conformity-oriented need for 'affiliation', keep themselves together by forming clannish, excessively stereotyped, in-group cliques and can be remarkably cruel in their exclusion of those who are different [Erikson, 1950; Veroff and Veroff, 1980].

Involvement in these 'affiliative' relationships is essential to both agentic and communal development. It is within these relationships that the young adolescent's sense of self emerges and is supported by consensually validating, mutual acceptance [Sullivan, 1953]. Moreover, it is within these relationships that youngsters develop important interpersonal competencies, such as personal sharing and self-disclosure, empathy, mutual concern, self-sacrifice, collaboration and trustworthiness [Sullivan, 1953]. Furthermore, the 'chumship' experience of 'loving someone like oneself' [Farber, 1980, p. 48] provides an important preparation for the heterosexual relationships of later adolescence and the intimacy of adult relationships.

Recognizing the importance of 'affiliation' for further development, it becomes clear that the estrangement of this stage, namely the experience of 'exclusion', can be devastating to both agency and communion development. 'Exclusion' can lead to poor self-image development, low self-esteem, 'personality warps' [Sullivan, 1953], narcissistic self-interest, anxiety in relationships and failure to develop adequate interpersonal skills. One need only observe early adolescent behavior to see the severe distress that 'exclusion' can cause and the extreme measures of 'affiliative' conformity which will be undertaken to avoid this consequence.

Thus, depending on the degree to which 'affiliative' relationships and needs are met, in contrast to experienced 'exclusion', the young adolescent emerges with a variety of interpersonal competencies and the beginning seeds of an agentic, individuated sense of self.

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