Young to Middle Adulthood: Intimacy versus Isolation

This stage of communion development is aptly named 'intimacy versus isolation' by Erikson [1950] himself. After describing numerous stages in terms of agentic differentiation, it is at this point that Erikson finally brings interpersonal connectedness to the fore as an important aspect of psychosocial development. According to Erikson [1968], it is only now, with the consolidation of an individuated identity that the capacity for true mutuality and intimacy can emerge. However, Erikson's conception is limited, since agency alone does not adequately account for the emergence of intimacy. Instead, as has been shown here, agency and communion have interacted in dynamic interdependence, with each contributing importantly to new developments. The capacity for intimacy, which emerges now, builds on and consolidates all prior interpersonal and agentic attainments.

Furthermore, these two processes - agentic attainment of a personal identity and communal attainment of a capacity for intimacy - do not produce static achievements, but rather continue to interact dialectically. In consolidating a sense of self, one can share that self intimately with another. In sharing the self, one also comes to know it - to become even more intimate with one's inner self. Doing so facilitates continued agentic personal growth, which further facilitates one's capacity for deeper interpersonal intimacy. Moreover, as Farber [1980] points out, a well-integrated sense of identity also includes perceptions of one's self in the context of relationships in terms of one's capacity for giving and loving.

Thus, agency and communion continue to evolve hand in hand, with intimacy becoming an essential element in continued psychosocial development, both in terms of facilitating personal growth and in providing satisfactory experiences of interpersonal connectedness. Without intimacy, one comes to experience a painfully heightened sense of 'isolation' [Erikson, 1968], loneliness and depression [Waring et aI., 1983]. Failing to share the innermost self severely hampers further personal growth, since the self does not come to be known in meaningful ways. Moreover, interpersonal development is impeded and relationships become stereotyped [Erikson, 1968], impersonal [Farber, 1980], superficial and meaningless.

Consequently, the vital need at this stage of life, contributing to both agency and communion, is the need for intimacy. McAdams [1982] defines the need for 'intimacy' as a preference or readiness for experiences of interpersonal warmth, closeness and communion. It involves a welcoming of others into mutually enjoyed, egalitarian union [Maslow, 1954] and the surrender of manipulative control [Buber, 1965] in genuine concern for the well-being of another [Sullivan, 1953]. In short, what emerges at this time is a new need for warm, 'intimate', supportive, mutual relationships.

Within the context of this substantially different sense of interpersonal connectedness, previous interpersonal competencies are consolidated and new ones emerge. In a full recognition of self-other distinctness, one can come to a new awareness of the dynamic interaction between two people and develop a more mature capacity for mutuality. This new capacity involves the development of (1) communication skills in appropriate mutual self-disclosure and interpersonal discovery [Levinger, 1974]; (2) the ability to perceive the other realistically, tolerating and accepting the differences revealed in closer intimacy; (3) interactive skills in resolving conflicts and problems [Navran, 1967], and (4) the ability to make, and keep, commitments in relationships [Levinger, 1974]. The extent to which these capacities develop determines whether relationships are transformed from institutional, rule- and role-bound relationships to emotionally expressive, companionate relationships characterized by deepening intimacy, communication, rapport and respect [Reedy etal.,1981].

These further communal developments also have an important effect on youngadult agency. The capacity to invest one's self and make abiding commitments is essential in career development and agentic goal achievement. It is at this time that adults need to make career and life style commitments despite inevitable doubts, conflicts, restlessness and necessity for sacrifice and compromise [Erikson, 1950; Berman and Lief, 1975]. Thus, the attainment of 'intimacy' and the capacity for self-investment has profound implications, not only for mature dyadic intimacy and love, but also for goal-oriented career and personal achievements. The success with which the need for 'intimacy' is met will profoundly affect the quality of continued development in both agentic achievement and communal connectedness.

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